Jaws of the Greatest Hurt

If I could escape this feeling,
I would give what I had.
There is no help in healing,
For the feelings that are all sad.

To suffer this is earth’s great hell,
No fire, no brimstone
Only an agonizing knell
Of a feeling I don’t want to own.

To burn is not to suffer,
Nor is it to be encased in ice
Pain and sadness is far tougher
Not wanting any of this life.

I despair of my own life
Wanting all the hurt to stop
I have given up the fight
Sadness freezes me like a rock.

What is it like to be depressed
To suffer here
Unlike the rest
With all of the fear

It is to be separated from the light
And from all that is happy
It is to constantly embrace your plight
And view all sadly

There is no good in life
And only bad
But if I look, I might
See that others would envy all I had

So, there is guilt in this despair
Because it is undeserved
But still there
And it doesn’t go away with a word.

Where is the help for this feeling
That comes without sense
And there is no way of dealing
And there is no defense

Medications, therapy, and lots of talk
I can’t take it all
I can’t walk the walk
It never helps, though I am its thrall

Help me, someone, to fine a way to be
A corner of this life where I can be free
Let me see all that is good for me
And, oh, let me learn how to live happily.

Because I do not know.
I want to go.
But I stay for the show.
Because of tomorrow,
I do not know.

Depression is an ugly thing. I am fine, I am getting lots of help, but sometimes you just need to express it. This is how I decided to do it this time.

All we are is all we are

Attempting free verse and using inspiration for a random generator:

The heat is leaving
The feeling is ebbing away
I see shades flicker above the rain

So many roads to choose from
To what end
I seek only shelter
And look for safe road signs
Benign and common landmarks
But lose the way talking to myself

I need go where no one knows
A long, long way from home
From the country of my comfort
Where I toil to make my way
We are all brilliant beneath this dreamscape

And the feeling will come again, wary, alive
This day shall flee, misty before the air
And I will seek the road back, wondering why

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Diamond Necklace

Time

Borrowed, lost

Fleeting, running, slipping

Clock, watch, garbage, debris

Trashing, ignoring, giving away

Misused, squandered

Wasted

Image by Old Shoe Woman via Flickr

Old

Vulnerable, wise

Watching, teaching, knowing

Mortal, fraility, immortal, vitality

Running, lauging, failing

Rash, indestructible

Young

Life

Precious, hopeful

Breathing, waking, being

Presence, survival, departure, absence

Stopping, leaving, ceasing

Empty, total

Death